Friday, September 02, 2011

MP3 Oompa Loompa Grill

I consider it a good thing when certain individual consumable and/or usable products that were made separate from each-other are united and combined. Macaroni-and-cheese, PB&J, and the Toaster-oven come to mind. However, I think there's a lot to be said about the staggering amount of shit in this world that does not belong together. Ever. Period.

My neighbor shouted over to me this evening with great excitement in his voice. "Adam, do you want to see something cool?". Now, I do agree that there is a certain level of bottom-line expectation that must be considered coming from anyones neighbor.

I was surprised to find out my neighbors newfound, prized possession wasn't a big wooden box stamped with "fragile" all over it and it sure as hell wasn't from France. What he shouted out to me was probably the dumbest fucking thing I have heard to date: Mini-gas, MP3-ready outside cooking grill with speakers ...and a thing which tells time.

What posses a person to invent such a jack-shit product is an entirely different topic of discussion. What really gives me a ball ache on this one is peoples sense of mystique and gravitation towards items like that?

Maybe next time I suggest he just take fistfuls of leftover money and just toss it up into the air on a windy, South Dakota day. Perhaps I urge him to come clean with his Trailer Park Boys 'Randy' Cheeseburger fetish. Or maybe he just likes to eat mini cheeseburgers off naked midgets.

The odds of us both benefiting from any events like that are much higher than me giving a hot, peppered shit about the next innovative, chinese wet dream he brings home from Menards.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

SSD in the Laptop!

I finally decided to break down and get an SSD for my main, full-size laptop. I've been through the growing pains of an SSD over a year ago when I put on in my Acer AspireOne net boom and was really pleased.

So here's to an evening of performing a backup/restore and hopefully see some need disk bandwidth as the result.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

The Curse of "Noodle Man"

The curse of the "Noodle Man" has been a crushing blow to today's rising youth. The "Noodle Man" will stifle, demean, delay and counter-measure the educational needs of your child without remorse and perform his dastardly disservice at any cost.

Despite the elated "Noodle Man" name, that's quite a laundry list of devious activities to be carried out by one being that would have a ripple effect over such a wide spectrum of people, especially of children and the future of our world.

I, being a parent, would find some alarm in this. So, who is this "Noodle Man" and how can I stop him?

For the minority of decent people and parents in this world: you fucking don't. The "Noodle Man" is a figment of imaginative proportions; a conjured up joke; a tall tale; a lie. He doesn't exist. However, the majority of Darwin-ducking, breeding Neanderthals... The "Noodle Man" is very real.

When I observe kids who are 10 and 11 years old, still in 4th grade and cant read compound words (not even sentences), the "Noodle Man" is a shared name for mom and dad who don't spend ample time with them to foster a good attitude, not to mention succeed in school and life.

One of my kids' friends were over this weekend and they asked me, "What is 'Noodle Man'?" My reaction was confused, followed by the response, "What are you talking about?". I was directed to look at the side of a pizza box we had on our kitchen table. What came next was a clear WTF moment (see picture). I just shook my head and said, "Are you sure that's what it says?". I wouldn't have had a problem except for the kids immediate chatter back, "Ha ha, I don't know how to read at all and I don't care.".

So lets do our children a favor everyone and brig them up in an environment where success, satisfaction, self worth, education and intelligence are held to just a slightly higher standard than TV, video games, laziness and mediocracy.